Confessions of a Bride-to-be: Beyond the Event
Last time I wrote, I expressed my frustration with getting my wedding plans underway. After a long brainstorming session with Mr. C, we’ve decided to have our wedding cake and eat it three times. A small intimate ceremony and dinner in our current home town, followed by two fun parties: one in my home state, then one in his. Now, I’m interviewing venues and making plans to send out save the date cards. I’m having much more fun with this portion of the planning. Through out this process, Mr. C and I have been making effort to remember the main goal, to become husband and wife.
Many engaged couples go through counseling or religious training before their wedding day. Communication and conversation is the cornerstone of our relationship. Since we decided to get married, we’ve been having structured and unstructured conversations about topics that are important to discuss before marriage:
- Children: Do we want children? What are the financial and emotional strains having children may put on our relationship? Who will be the primary care givers? How do we envision our roles as parents?
- Finances: What are our goals? What is his spending style and what it mine? Who will be in charge of paying the bills and keep the family budget?
- Household chores: What is the division of labor in the house? What do we expect from each other as housemates and partners?
- Health: How is our health? Is our insurance coverage enough? What are some areas we could be better for each other and ourselves?
- Affection: How important is sex and intimacy? What are our expectations? How might our affections change over time? We established an open channel to discuss affection and intimacy.
- Religion: What are our spiritual and religious beliefs? How do we want our children raised? How do we approach spirituality and what role do we expect it to play in our lives?
- Friends and family: What are the boundaries and roles of our friends and family in our relationship? Does either of us foresee issues or challenges with friends or family members? Can we respect and honor each other friends and family?
- Career: What are our long-term and short term plans? Is relocation an option? Will both of us always work?
It has been an enlightening process. Our conversations have served to only deepen our love and affection for each other. So, I ask you dear reader, in your opinion: what are some important questions or conversation to have before marriage? Please leave your suggestions or feedback in the comments.
Confessions of a Bride-to-Be: Where Do I Go From Here?
Where do I go from here?
“Now, honey, don’t do the whole thing out of town,” says my grandmother, as I tell her about my wedding plans. By out of town she means the city I was considering for my wedding, which is a 40 minute drive from my home town. As I hang up, I feel my blood pressure rising. What is a short drive compared to the many people traveling from out-of-state to be at our wedding? Is she serious? Whole thing?! I wonder which part she’s hoping to attend.
My home town boasts two swanky hotels: “Holiday Sin” and the “No-tell Motel”. I was considering a larger town for my wedding, to offer better accommodation to out-of-town guests, with a destination they may enjoy. Apparently, this will be inconvenient for some family members, who’d prefer that I marry on TV so they can watch from home. Oh gosh, excuse me, I just had bridezilla moment.
It’s been 3 months since my honey and I engaged, and I’ve made scant progress on my plans. I have, however, spent hours researching, day dreaming, making notes, building a budget, surfing the net for ideas, rebuilding the budget, considering selling all my belongings on ebay, begging on the phone, sketching dress ideas and considering elopement.
I have bookmarked about a hundred different options online from locations, to dresses, to rings, to ideas, to cakes, to flowers, to forums and I’ve decided three things I want for sure: easy, inexpensive, and beautiful. It seems that this is a virtually impossible combination. You can have easy and inexpensive, but not beautiful. Inexpensive and beautiful, but not easy. Easy and beautiful, but not inexpensive. And that last one is the most common option.
I often fall asleep wishing someone would just put together a simple elegant wedding package that doesn’t cost the price of a small car, and can be held close to my family and friends. But I wake each day with the realization that we are another day closer to the date I’ve set, and yet no closer to having an event planned.
Now I’m wondering should I spend a fortune on one day, paying for it over the next ten years? Or curb my desires to accommodate the local Knights of Columbus Hall as a reception site? Or chuck it all and marry my sweetness at the local justice of the peace?
I’ve consulted the Magic Eight Ball, it said, “Reply hazy. Ask again later.”
Welcome to The Future Mrs. C!
Photograph by Christine Tremoulet. Not the real Future Mrs. C.
Wholly Matrimony! is thrilled to have a Bride-to-Be joining us here, blogging about her own wedding planning process! Tomorrow The Future Mrs. C will be sharing the first of first of her “Confessions of a Bride-To-Be” posts.
The Future Mrs. C is planning a spring 2009 destination wedding over 2000 miles away from home, which you can imagine is quite a challenging feat. She is a writer by day, and in her spare time she enjoys spending time with Mr. C and their dog, belly dancing and taking beautiful photos. Sometimes she paints and writes just for fun. When she’s happy, she sings. When she’s sad, she likes to watch babies laughing on YouTube (does the trick every time).
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